Thursday, February 02, 2006


I have been thinking a lot lately about friends and family. I wondered why some people were important to me and others were not. What makes me want to stay in touch with some people and not others?


One of the definitions of acceptance is: to tolerate or accept people as they are.

This doesn't mean tolerating everything. There are limits. For example, I can't tolerate people who steal. I also have problems being around people who are smoking. I try not to make an issue about things that don't restrict my sense of well being. For example, I can talk with people smoking outside, but I won't allow someone to smoke in my home.

With big issues things get more complicated. There is more at stake and our feelings are often involved. When feelings are involved our responses are often sharper and less rational. They may seem stupid to others but they are valid to us. This can make acceptance harder but it doesn't have to.

I remember having one of the few personal talks with both of my parents present. We talked and I had a big explanation ready for them. I didn't need it.

My dad said, "You're my son."

I went,"Huh?"

"You are my son."

Differences of opinion and possible fights had been set aside by a few words. Like me, my father could take hours to get his point across. This time he was concise and direct. He accepted me.

Simple words. Powerful words.

Phrases like: I miss you; I love you; I am proud of you; all go underused. One way of making people feel accepted is to use these types of words.


Steve said...

Sometimes we morph our personalities to become what we believe the other person will like. Whaat we don't understand is that a real friends likes the original copy of the soul. Not the alterred one.

Leon said...

So true Steve. Being a "mirror" only leaves you feeling frustrated. The sooner a person learns this the better.