Blogging Versus Writing

I just finished the part 3 of the roundup I was working on.

At the last minute I found a link that needed to be included in my post. Irritation turned to happiness when I saw that it fit the post and added to it.

I felt odd - as if I has just relearned something about myself. It wasn't until I read a comment in my last post that I understood what I was feeling. I was glad that I finished the project but, more importantly, pleased that I had discovered something new.

Discovery is an important aspect of both my writing and photography. I can plan projects and edit them but the ideas have to stay fresh. As long as something stays new and interesting I can work with it endlessly. When it becomes "old" I can lose interest in it and it can be frustrating to keep at it.

Once I set the last roundup in motion it became a 'duty' and I felt I had to finish it. I had the willpower and the knowledge, but not the inspiration, to finish the project. The project was "old".

In some ways I blog differently than I write. My "writing" (as opposed to my "journaling") tends to be proactive - especially when it comes to fiction. I discover things by thinking "what if". I invent and then reflect.

My blogging (and journaling) tends to be reactive. I observe or read something and then try to express what I have seen. My ability and willingness to write is more dependent on time factors. Fresh or vivid memories are easier to write about.

When working on big blog projects I must find ways to use both of my writing styles to stay on track. I must be reactive to blog about things that will interest others. I must be proactive to keep myself interested and write with passion.

A Difficult Project

I finally finished part 2 of The South African Blog Roundup. Part 3 is virtually complete and just needs a short conclusion written.

I found this a difficult project because my ideas kept changing and the SA blog scene kept developing. I took a break from the project and took care of other business. The break was good but I found it hard to get back into the mindset I had in March. My old notes seemed woefully incomplete for what I wanted to do. Several times I vowed to either downsize the project or scrap it entirely. I'm glad I didn't.

Sometimes I find writing frustrating because the words don't match the concept in my head. If the concept is strong then eventually the words will start to flow. When they do I must edit and rewrite until everything seems right. It is times like this that I really enjoy writing.

My Colour Is Blue

I am fighting a cold or something right now. I felt run-down and sore when I was writing the previous post. I took one of those blue nighttime cold caplets and read for a few hours. I then set my alarm and slept for 7 or 8 hours. I felt better when I woke up but didn't have any energy. I rested all day and finally went for some fish and chips. I didn't feel too bad.

Last night I was starting to feel worn again so I lay down and read. I couldn't sleep. I decided to have another blue pill and a snack. The medicine may be premature but I hate being sick. I have too many things to do without worrying about being sick. Thinking about illness and about other things was making me feel blue - in the I-am-depressed sense

Writing always helps a bit when I am feeling down. I was starting this post and thought about the different meanings of blue. Then I thought of the Blue Sky. In that sense it is a 'nice' sense of blue. It is cheery and safe in moderate amounts. It comes when darkness has passed but always leaves. It is like living with depression or another illness.

I sometimes get nervous when I get sick. It's not bad when it is just a cold or something mild. When I get the stomach heaving cramps or nausea I sweat as much from fear as from fever. Those were the symptoms I felt just before I went into a coma-like state while being rushed to the hospital. I was suffering from pneumonia in both lungs.

Being sick is one time I hate being independent. There is no one around to take care of me and catch me if I fall. Being blue due to depression seems easy compared to being physically ill. The truth is that fevers break or people die. Depression can last a lifetime and influence your job, your education, and your relationships.

There is one thing depression has over physical illness: it doesn't scare me. It hurts, and can be frustrating, but I can always push it away. I can do this myself. When I had pneumonia I would have died without help. I lost my independence in order to live.

I have often wondered why blue is one of my favourite colours.