Losses

Have you ever had a friend that drifted away but who still has the power to "get under your skin"? I do.

We were close friends and drifted apart. I accept that. I have 99% gotten used to things as they are. I don't chat as much with him because we don't share as many things in common as before. Sometimes I find it irritating because we only talk about his life. Sometimes I get a little envious because he has improved his life so much while (in some ways) mine has stalled.

I get tired of feeling like an observer getting glimpses of his life. I know we aren't going to be as close as we were. Part of me wants to cut off the friendship totally so I don't have to be reminded of him. That idea bothers me because I am not sure of his reaction. Would he be hurt or would he even care?

This morning I read a post in his MySpace blog which summarized the last year. Much of the information from the last three months was new to me. That bothered me a little because we aren't as close as we were. What bothered me most was that myself and others who played a part in his "story" had been ignored in the summary. It is his story to tell. I only played a part in it. So why did I get upset?

I guess I don't like to think I got edited out on purpose or just forgotten. The first is irritating but the second is scary.

What an odd combination: feeling forgotten but irritated that I haven't learned to forget yet.

Sometimes I REALLY hate emotions.