Sunday, November 26, 2006

Losses

Have you ever had a friend that drifted away but who still has the power to "get under your skin"? I do.

We were close friends and drifted apart. I accept that. I have 99% gotten used to things as they are. I don't chat as much with him because we don't share as many things in common as before. Sometimes I find it irritating because we only talk about his life. Sometimes I get a little envious because he has improved his life so much while (in some ways) mine has stalled.

I get tired of feeling like an observer getting glimpses of his life. I know we aren't going to be as close as we were. Part of me wants to cut off the friendship totally so I don't have to be reminded of him. That idea bothers me because I am not sure of his reaction. Would he be hurt or would he even care?

This morning I read a post in his MySpace blog which summarized the last year. Much of the information from the last three months was new to me. That bothered me a little because we aren't as close as we were. What bothered me most was that myself and others who played a part in his "story" had been ignored in the summary. It is his story to tell. I only played a part in it. So why did I get upset?

I guess I don't like to think I got edited out on purpose or just forgotten. The first is irritating but the second is scary.

What an odd combination: feeling forgotten but irritated that I haven't learned to forget yet.

Sometimes I REALLY hate emotions.

1 comment:

Cassy said...

I feel completely the same about one of my friends. He still calls us 'best friends', but in the last year we've gone from seeing each other every day, to speaking once about every two months. And then it's just awkward.