Alone In The Night

Here I sit wide - eyed in the wee hours of the morning looking for a way to quit brooding. The news about Axel put a damper on an already slow day. Other than read and play computer games I haven't accomplished much.

I have been having difficulty getting the latest issue of my newsletter done and sent out. Part of me wants to include a long article about my trip. Part of me says:" The trip was for me - not anyone else." Sometimes I try to work everything into the newsletter. Part of the problem is that I write almost all of the content. People have contributed in the past and some have offered articles but I seem reluctant to accept their help.

I had hoped that the holiday would give me energy to devote to the newsletter. When I got back I had ideas but no enthusiasm. After a year of editing I may be tired of the whole project. In the next couple of weeks I will think about what to do.

I am enthusiastic about one thing however - I like writing in this diary. It gives me a place to work with ideas and express them. I can take raw unformed thoughts and work them into something. The result may be fluff or it may be good. In either case it is an expression of my creativity.

I have always enjoyed writing. I would create fantasy or science fiction worlds by the dozen. I would create characters and tell their tales or place them in these worlds and discover what happened next. Essays on a wide variety of topics would fill pages in my journals. Poems would be penned on scraps of paper and transferred or taped into my journals. My pen was seldom out of my hand.

The best thing about this early writing was that it for me. I wrote what I wanted when I wanted. The subjects were as broad as needed. My newsletter has a narrow focus over all. Furthermore I am not only doing this for myself but for my readers. As my interest waxes and wanes I feel guilty for not "putting enough into it". I have to rediscover the fun part of my newsletter so that it feels right for me.

So I sit here alone in the night. I am working through problems the best way I know how - by writing about them.

© firemind