Here is in the middle of the night and I sit contemplating life. I look around and wonder why I think and do the things I do. I wonder why other people do the things they do. This a slow smoldering burn rather than my usual firemind wildfire. Something is brewing and I don't know what it is yet.
As usual I find myself turning to my blog to express my thoughts. I write things out as I think them and try not to edit. This "freewriting" us a good way to capture my ideas on paper. I don't expect the ideas to be profound just true and "from the heart".
We often move through life not looking around us. We forget to notice the things that matter to us. Then years later we find ourselves remembering some incident or person that left an impression on us.
Last year there were a number of incidents and people that effected me. I learned a lot and had fun. I am trying to write a retrospective that catches that feeling and retains the wonder I felt. Words can't replace the memories though.
Last year I learned that I like to help people and interact with them. Last year I learned to value others' opinions. Last year I learned to care about what happens to others. I knew these things already, but they became more important last year.
It's kind of humbling to discover such things about oneself.
Friday, January 06, 2006
Contemplative
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3 comments:
I can totally relate to the experience. Whenever I find myself alone, left to my own devices, usually a million things run through my head. The problem was I never got to express these thoughts to anyone but myself, and this is where blogging has entered. When I blog, I find, as you do, that the words just flow out of me, and I love viewing the end result, which is basically my life put in words.
I get like that but a lot of times I'm all talk and no action. I grab a pen or sit in front of this screen and then draw a blank. I don't like that about myself but at the same time I don't seem to do much to change it. Perhaps with a bit more maturity, things will change LOL
Before I fall asleep, I always just lie there on my bed and think about life in general and where mine is going and how I interacted with others throughout the day. Sometimes I think about Global Issues and sometime I just think about my own experiences. Also, I had an episode where, for about a week, I was really depressed. I wrote about a full page on my blog of "freewriting". I felt so much better afterwards. Anyways, I can really relate to what you are talkiing about.
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