Saturday, February 18, 2006

Letting Go...

Irrational fears in the middle of the night can be disturbing. It is the time when novels keep you awake and thoughts about others make you vulnerable.

When you empower people and give them the tools to help themselves you free them from dependence on you. That is a good thing. What is hard is facing that they might not "need" you to help them in the future.

Letting go is not the end but a beginning. But it still hurts.

...but not yet.

Yesterday was a mixed day. It was both busy and boring. Connecting with friends was ok but fairly brief. I guess I wanted more interaction with friends.

I bought an interesting novel and I am almost done reading it. It is one of those funny and thoughtful books that can really tug at your emotions.

The book made me want to connect but no one was available. I looked inward and the writing about letting go appeared. It is raw and painful because I know it to be true. I also know that it isn't an appropriate time to be feeling this pain.

I guess that means I can feel my emotions and yet they don't dominate me. The changes that made me vulnerable are under control. The emotions associated with them are as strong as they ever were but can be used constructively to write with feeling.

Then again...

Letting go happens when you set something free. Letting go of your emotions doesn't leave you emotionless or uncontrolled. It means you have cast off the emotional chains and puppet strings and have taken control.

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