Sunday, May 14, 2006

The Other Side Of Firemind

The last few days have been annoying for me. The things that usually make me feel better either haven't been appealing or have been unavailable. This has made me depressed and triggered the darker aspect of my nickname.

My interaction with people has been mixed lately. I have had some fun conversations but they didn't balance the ones that didn't go well. Some of my friends were fun to visit with and others were difficult.

A friend has been going through some tough times lately and wanted some privacy. I have found it hard to stop trying to help. This got him annoyed and thus made me angry. I felt helpless and mistreated.

My routine had been interrupted and I had insomnia. I began to think obsessively about our friendship and recent events. Since I had no answers, and no one to ask, I supplied my own. My mind was on fire.

Usually my fire-mind* is a good thing and leads to some productive writing. Sometimes it is fueled by negative thoughts and I get trapped in anger and/or sadness. Writing doesn't always work with the negative side because focusing on the thoughts adds to the problem. This can be very frustrating.

I wrote a lot and made some progress but really needed to connect with my friend. He is one of those people that act like catalysts for me. His actions can set the tone and direction of my thoughts and writing. Recent events meant that I felt disconnected from him and thus couldn't counter my negative thoughts.

I had a brief chat with my friend and could feel things shifting. I started to write again and found my thoughts calmer and more positive. My "dark side" was under control again.

*Ideas flash like lights in my mind until they are noticed. When they are my mind blazes like a fire that has just had gasoline poured on it. I can become quite distracted when a juicy idea comes along.

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